Never ever....

Never ever I have a girl that I like that will actually keep me in prayer,
a prayer of telling God to discuss about me, probably a prayer of an watchful eye from God towards me.

Haizzzz dream girl, you exist so what la...
If all else that if you have no feel for me, how much I'm happy also no use la.
Cause if all those nonsense happen again, all those promises, all those happiness you use to have that is coming from me, means nothing to you. Understand?

I know your tired of promises too, so do I.
But if you could see through me as how much I can accept you,
then.. I'll make sure things will be different..
Why can I guarantee that?
Because from young till now, I never take that step to walk away from problems,
walk away from things that has been bothering me, but rather solve it and find the best way to face it and find a positive outcome to settle it.

That's me.

I've not shown you who I really am yet..

Hey... not sure if you will be stumble upon this blog or not, but..
:D

I wish to tell all of them to you.. I really do.
But why am I not telling yet?
cause as much as I believe your different, I'll never say it until I'm prepared, well..
in just this week.. so much has change between you and I.

I really wanted to tell you that, I am that person that is willing to accept you for who you are, you don't have to be sad over him anymore.
Who u were in the past doesn't matter to me, although there are risk practically saying but I was trained to ignore that.
Only on one condition, which is you have to see me as someone special that you'll appreciate.. :)

I wish to tell you, that you are the answer to my prayers, because in this world.. as for now.. you could see as what I could see.. :D
Whether will it all happen or not, guess is all up to you ba.

When I first get to know you,
in my heart I've already noticed how different you are, and I know that is just matter of time that I will somehow get attracted to you.
The day is soon, or it is already :D
I find it awesome to let you know how special you are to me,
but I've learned that it will be only VALID to people who approve it.

But if you ever not see urself awesome, always remember that I'm that person that can see through it all.

God let it happen with a purpose you know,
I haven't prayed for you yet.. but I guess I'll have a short prayer then..
Goodnight to you, lovely.

There is still more you need to know about me,
once all is done, you decide :)
cause my mind is set and very certain that I can see how great you are that he can't see. and I lost my talent in making an interesting post.. siennnn

So if I blog about girls here, someday people also will dig this out and tada~~

Yes I think I officially inactive in blogging and can say quit ba,
but why I still keep this here n remain public?
Coz I feel that what is written here are really masterpieces of mine,
will glance through them when I'm bored.

There is something I really wanna blog here,
First of all....

You know how some people you thought that by first glance you think you would never get along well? or became close friends?
Well I think I have encounter a lot of such experience tho...

Then there's even some were close, become no longer close for stupid reasons which I don't want to mention, cause that is another

Is an exciting adventure to know a new someone :D
But is never fun if that is all has to change once things are done, gg.com

Dear angel,
I've been missing you so much, if you ever read this,
I wish to really get along with you again like before,
I don't know whats the drastic change, as I'm not geographical in the same place with you, but I'd always kept you in my heart, although we've never met.

Dear new little cute mischievous being,
You are damn awesome can?
I know that you've gone through a sad break up and all that,
but I have one wish...
Lets just end the misery together by laughing more with each other can?
Go makan makan and talk nonsense as usual...
Hopefully.. you'd be able to see that we think a lot a like actually :)
I hope that you will be the one that sparks my life forever. End.

My blog post suppose to be positive

I'm suppose to stay strong and look ahead and fight finish this nonsense.
I do not want to go through such nonsense anymore.

As for that idiotic angels, one with strong will to go against the flow, another has strong will to praise God.. ya whatever.
I will make my point out when the time is right.

This is the end of my chapter of my life, I am left with one option.
Finish it, do it, achieve it.

I may get tired, but I won't feel tired therefor I won't be tired.
I have life, a breath, a mind, a will.. that is what I need to overcome it.
If God is good, he better be.. cause this is the time where if I am left with like no option, He has to intervene. Otherwise my life from the start till the end is meaningless..

Speaking of which is Christmas day.. is coming soon.
The last christmas all I remember was giving present to Anne Anne...
and that's it.

Oh well, nothing much to type about anyway. Is time for me to sleep.

I vowed this and that by someone :D

"At this life-changing point, I choose to again make some vows, like I made a few last year at the start of my life abroad.

I vow to cling on to the faith and proudly profess that I serve the Lord and only the Lord. Not money, not my job, not my clients, not my boss. All these things are only temporary, and they can change whenever they want to, but He is forevermore.

I vow to make family a priority in as many things as I can. I am already learning from the mistakes of others.

I vow to steer clear of unethical behaviour, regardless of how strong the temptation is. Even if it means an easier life, even if it means more money at the end of the month. No, I shall not.

I vow to not start swearing, cussing or using even just ‘slightly’ rude language. It is saddening to see how some people who have never spoken out a ‘damn’ have all used stronger words after they have entered the working world, and I hope to not do the same.

I vow to maintain, if not strengthen, my relationship with my Best Friend, as I should have been doing consistently (but admittedly have not in the recent months). I vow not to let my job get in the way between Him and I.

I vow to seek Him first in all that I do, especially during this time when there are prospects of more attractive employers other than my current first one.

.

Of course, it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? When the pressures of deadlines loom about, and my finances start getting tight, there is a high chance of wanting to break one or more of those vows. So please, please, PLEASE, hold me accountable against all that I have said here. I need all the teguran I can get, if ever I stray off track and lose focus on what’s most important in this brief and temporary life. The distractions and temptation of work, whether big or small, can really create a detour for which there is no U-turn.

.

I commit the start and the rest of my working life to You, Lord! Lead and guide me, if You will."


If you ever freaking read this entry, or this blog.
Look listen here.. everytime when I read such entry, it does make me feel like you're being all hypocrite and so on. Vow this and that nonsense in comparison with how you deal things with me? Vow my ass.

But nevertheless in my goodie boy vision,
I see myself talking to you serious stuff to keep you pump up to make sure that you'll be able to stick to that. Give you support to make you stand up again whenever things may lead you to break those vows.
Ya I would also VOW with you to tell myself to make YOU THAT person you want to be.

But just too bad you and I are no longer friends anyway.
Nor you even think of patching things up.
So as my normal reaction will be when I read those.
Oh.. there you go again, good girl to people, bad girl to me. great ^^V
Yet the best thing you can tell me is, you're mad when I called you bitch but you are actually acting like ONE to ME.

Stop giving me excuse why we shouldn't patch things up.
I can proudly shout it out that it is God desire to see us supporting each other,
and go through the Christian lives together, be there for one and another.

Why all these years you've been avoiding that?
Mainly because of your selfish reason anyway.
I have to take that as an answer because NO OTHER answer on earth makes more sense than that.. girl who vowed to God many things. =.=

Angelic girls who aren't so angel specifically in front of you.

There is this girl that I know when I was young..
Specifically when I was in secondary school.
Look like an angel, talk like an angel, behave like an angel.

She.. praise the Lord out loud as always.
Being very active in the Christian Fellowship.
When she greet people, she always said "God bless you" and of course will always have a smile :D

Anyway one regardless guy or girl will agree with me by saying "Kawaii desu ne"
So if people always ask me how will I describe her?

I'll always say that she is one of the MOST angelic girl I've ever seen in my life.
Too angelic that I even tell myself that I want her as my wife when I was young and yes I was that serious at that time.

But never thought is has already been SEVEN years knowing that girl,
till I now realize that actually I don't get along well with angelic girls.
Why?

Because most angelic girls I know is either too boring in a way that they just want to close themselves up or they are just friendly on selected people.
What I mean by selected people is you know in your heart that they choose people to be friends and close with, choose until like you can just predict most of their actions in their life.

Uh~

So today I would like to share my experiences and thoughts about this angelic girl okay?

I know this angelic girl since very young, but we aren't that good friends though.
Never was either, but more like just we know each other, and I remember until today the BEST and CLOSEST thing that ever happen between me and her is she invited me to see her performance and THAT's IT. I'm like.. o.O okay so why the hell you invited me for?

She's not that smart academically, she cries when she fails in academic, very active in co-curricular activities. She's girly and cute but doesn't use much make up, just a perfect wife material that I can sense that's all.
The complete the package is she has heart warming smile that when you see that it just makes you remember that she is a bubbly and friendly person.

So let me tell you my ENCOUNTER with her where how I justify that I don't get along well with her.

When I was 16, I get her number through a friend,
was playfully sms-ed her to ask her guess who am I.
She immediately message back "If you dun tell me who u are, I'm not going to reply."
Ya. So much for the "angel" side of her.
So fine I gave up playing games and just tell her, but after replying she just kills off the topic by the usual lines such as "O I see " and then not replying the next question.
At that time I did get pretty upset, because to me she is like the most angelic girl I've ever known until today, she is ONE of the MOST angelic girl, that you know..
Always want to praise the lord in facebook, twitter, and everywhere she go.

When I was 17,
we didn't really talk also, but I remember there is this CF(christian fellowship) farewell party, and then of course most of us will be saying a few lines to one and another. I remember she said "God bless you" to me with that smile again and shook my hand too.
Ya GBU this GBU that.. I didn't get sick of it yet. I just take it as Ohh whatever, because at that time I've already got agenda in liking some other not so angelic girl like her.

18,19,20.
I remember there is one my good friend ask her to join me and one girl and him to sit down together in McDonalds to chill la, and she refused it. Okay, is fair that you can say that AWKWARD maa.. but.. I don't know, two of us are your schoolmate and you are like so active and talkative when comes to socializing, we definitely can talk about the long time no see topic. But you didn't?
We didn't bother, but years later I know what cause the awkwardness anyway.

I don't know which year she invited me to her church christmas event, where she will be performing. I DIDN'T want to go at first, cause I know I will be going alone.
But end up I did because she personally PM me and asked again.
So to give face to her, so I'm like why not?
So this time, I have so to said more "REASONS" to talk to her/catch up and get to know more about her.

But it didn't turn out that way,
she was like some kind of ROBOT like that.
Introduce me to her Elder, her pastor, her churchmate this and that and never bother to even like talk something with me. Like come on, if she is a quiet person, I understand, but NOPE, she is the kind of girl that I remember who is active when comes to socializing. She is the type of girl where you know that people will choose her to make those announcement and all that.
I've tried my ultimate best to ask those basics questions, even ask about more serious stuff about her lifestyle of being involve in many GOOD activities too.
But then.. you just know that she is just trying to kill of the topic in a very so called "angelic way".

After many years, came to know many types of girls which I get along better than her.
In fact I feel that I might even get along better with girls whom they feel that they are more towards the diabolic side. :P
Oh by the way, girls like her don't use the "F-U-C-K" word.
But what the heck, today most of the ones I get along use the word like drinking water only.

Till today, I don't know what goes through her mind when is about me.
But I think my hypothesis was right all along.
"She thinks negatively about me."

I've actually did my part by trying.. you know.. try try laa by making the move to know her more by asking more about her involvement in events that involve a society or a group of Christians to gather.
But.. I don't know.. she always seem to like ignore it.

SO much for the angelic thought that I have, I think I'll just have to throw that thoughts away. She is angelic, when I go up to heaven I'll agree with God if He said she is. But I'll surely ask God, why..

You may say I think too much, but ok.. it may not be that bad but what I mean negatively here it means.. something unpleasant like she thinks I'm a crazy dude that simply do things that don't know how to think. Or she thinks I am the person which what her friends tell her.

So to conclude,
sometimes those angelic girls you see especially in your religious society may appear like they are like mother teressa. But sometimes they just can't appear like an angel in front of you, they appear like they just don't give a fuck about you.
But wherelese some girls you thought that she's so bitchy like you've seen the worst bitch in your life, they are the ones that could turn out to be your best friend ever. Why? Because only you could give them a reason to change, or perhaps you are the reason that could make them think before they act...

SO to that angelic girl that I'm writing.
Yes God bless you and me too,
we both are at the same age already.
I know in Church and your circle you feel that you already have enough support and joy from all of them, but let me tell you this.

Stop acting angelic with the GBU to me anymore can?
I find it annoying now if after that GBU you never follow up with me whether how did God bless me.
Yes I know you are a good girl, in fact I will always tell people that you are one of the nicest human being I ever known, but then still I feel is quite hypocrite to act nice and you still give me the feeling that you are keeping yourself away from me.

Seriously, now a days.. there are so many "nice" girls out there.
But the one that are really nice...
Somehow camouflaging somewhere you don't see them, by the time you found them. You then realize that, the angelic girl you call her as very angelic, turns out to be not so angelic as you expected.

Do you still read my blog?

You know I always wonder...
how is it that you will read my blog?

Among all the entries, you actually read the one that I called you a b*tch.
funny.

Part of me tells me that, no matter how much I feel that you no longer read my blog, I feel that you until today 2011 still continue to read them no matter what.

haha.. I don't know...

Anyway to you, you'll know who you are.

If your reading this, I think there are things I would really want to say it out here yo. BUT THEN... not sure am I writing to the air or not anyway.